The Electric Woman and the Cat

Blondes have the tendency to have very fine hair. This is why when you go to the science center they always pick a little blonde kid to put his hand on the static electricity ball and his hair goes flying all over. This isn't as bad as you age, but you will always have this problem. Mostly, it's worse in the winter. Over the years, I have electric shocked computers to the point of having them crash. I cannot make one of those touch lamps work cause I electrocute it, and it won't work. I have learned to ground myself on the screws of light switches. Often, there will be a nice little blue arc of spark from me to whatever I'm closest.

This can be fun when I want to get back at someone. Or certain parts of someones anatomy.

Hey, how do you think I feel that between November and April I can't touch anything without making myself jump. It doesn't feel good to me either.

And now, the point....

I came home from work the other night and walked down to get the mail. On my way back up the drive, I noticed that Biscuit, the neighborhood cat was sitting very politely on our front porch step. So I started talking to him and slowly walked over to him. Now, Biscuit is the one that just loves butch, but will only come to me when the mockingbirds are chasing him. Well, he didn't run. He did one of those cat maneuvers where he rolls on his back saying look at me, don't you want to scratch my belly, and I was talking quietly to him. He got up and came over to the step for me to pet him. I reached down and put my hand out for him to sniff before I touched him.

This is when the Black Cat met the Electric Woman.

He had such a nice moist little black nose. I was truly sorry when I saw the spark come from my hand going towards it. But it was too late, there was nothing I could do at that point.

He didn't appreciate it much. I swear before he squeezed between the banister rails at a full run, that he flipped me the bird.

Could have been worse, at least I only got him on the nose!

How I got this way (or Blondeness is hereditary)

As I've said, butch spent last weekend in FLA. Which involved air travel. When he got home, the pressure in his ear was unbelievable. He was miserable and didn't have a dr's appt until tonight. So Tuesday, he went up to the drug store and the pharmacist gave him some sinus medicine to take and help relieve some of the pressure. It just wasn't working though.

Last night, I was talking to my mom on the phone and told her about butch's ear problem. So my mother, who was an RN for 50 years (yeah, 50) tells me that there are two things that she can think of to do. She tells me, since I don't have a hot water bottle, to go get a towel and put it in the microwave and heat it up and have him lay his ear on it. I asked her several times if I needed to make it damp before I did this. No, no, just put it in the mic. I asked her if I could use one of the corn bags heated up. Nah, I wouldn't do that she says, just nuke a towel, that'll work best. Okay.......

The other thing to try was to blow cigarette smoke in his ear. um.........o...k..

She swore that her father had done this to her as a child when she had horrible earaches, and it worked. Okay, there is just no way in hell I'm going to do that or that he would even let me.

I tell butch to lay down on the couch with his bad ear down, that I was going to do what my mom said. Of course, if she told him to do it, he'd do it. So I go get a hand towel out and put it in the microwave for a minute. Just like Lyd said to do. I checked to see if it was warm at about 30 seconds, and it was a bit, but not much, so I left it in for the other 30 seconds.

At this point let me just say, in my defense, that I asked Lydia, not once but several times about wetting the towel.

When the last 30 seconds was up, I reached into the microwave and pulled it out. Let me just say that there was no smoke when I first opened the mic. BUT, when I pulled it out, it became a smoking ball of terry. The smoke just exploded through the house, and I was afraid that the smoke alarms were going to go off, so I ran to the french doors and started waving them open to try to draw some of the smoke out. Mostly, that just accomplished letting the 20 degree temperature in the house. Butch, who had his back facing out on the couch and can't see what is happening starts yelling what the hell is going on it's getting cold. Of course, never did I think to actually throw the smoking towel out the door. That would have just been way too easy. At this point, the towel has actually stopped smoking and was still a bit warm (imagine that) so I asked him if he still wanted it, he said-FINE, just fold it up and I'll use it. Well, okay. So he layed with his head on the burnt, but not still smoking ball of terry. I have no idea whether it actually helped or not as I was running through the house with the Febreez trying to get the fire smell out. It didn't work.

The towel....in the garbage, but not before I took this picture.

Butch....well, he came to bed last night and all I could smell was burnt marshmallows, which is how burnt towel made his hair smell.

Needless to say, Lydia heard about it. I thought we'd both pee our pants laughing, and I was at work with my head on the desk shaking I was laughing so hard.

A while later, I get an email from K3. As follows.........

Step one...... Remove towel from closet

Step two....... WET towel

Step three.... Microwave for 10 minutes

Step four....... Run for fire extinguisher - and I mean RUN

Step five........ Dial 911

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Cost of Doctor's visit for ear pain....... $20 copay

Cost of prescription for ear pain........ $10 copay

Cost of calling Mother for medical advise...... $.10 a minute

Cost of scrapping microwave from ceiling.... PRICELESS

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When she was telling me this.... first thing I said was - YOU DIDN'T tell her to wet it first!!! OMG... Welcome to my world !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This immediately made me CACKLE out loud-loud. At work. OMG

I fell out in hysterics all over again.

After all this, butch looks at me and says "Well, you do get it honest"

What can I say?

Someone crazy

called on the phone during the third quarter of the Raven vs the pits game. It was a number I didn't recognize, I knew it had to be someone wanting to mess with me. I picked up the phone and since I was already screaming, yelled into the phone "I don't know who the "f" this is but you must be "f"ing stupid to be "f"ing calling me now." thankfully, it was butch's nephew who graduated this weekend, who was laughing, and wasn't a local church group. (they already pray for my heathen ass as it is!) So the idiots from coal town actually won one this time. The other two games this year were determined by the refs. I hope they choke.


Do you know why the steeler cheerleaders don't wear black and gold?


Cause they would be confused with the defensive line!

1.1

DEGREES

That's how FREAKIN' COLD it is here today.

Now, I know that it's a lot colder in a lot of other places. Sure, if you live in North Dakota, or Minnesota, or Michigan. But is too cold for this close to the Mason-Dixon line. It snowed the other day and it still hasn't melted on the roads or drive. The snow just became solid and kept all the tire tracks in the snow, permanently, I think.

I wanted so bad to go to B'more for the whistle stop by our next president, but there was just no way. So I watched like so many, on TV from the warmth of my living room. Do you know that you can't get a hotel room around here. They've been booked for months (well, at least since November). There are advisories to STAY AWAY!!! Man, I'd like to be on the mall Tuesday.

Of course, it's worse since I'm here in the cold by myself. Butch and his cousin and her husband (the Blackies) went to FLA last night for a graduation. (Of course, I could not go since I get crap for vacation) OH, it was going to be so cold there. Yeah, like 60??? ooooh, but it might get down to the 40's. oh, please just shut up you had to put on a jacket.

Sorry, me and my self pity, just lashing out there.

DIRTY BIRDS!!!!

GO RAVENS!!!!

WHOO HOOO!!!!

Okay, my throat is still sore and butch is still sore at me screaming too much! (hey, I did get up and go into the living room) We started a jigsaw puzzle Friday night. How could I have ever imagined that I'd be spending a Friday night doing that? The only mishap we'd had was me trying to use a tape measure to see if we had all the edge pieces on the top and caught the tape in the puzzle as it was retracting and throwing the pieces we'd put together all over the kitchen-hey, he laughed at that one. But then the game came on. As I was screaming at the first whatever happened, butch had that look on his face-the one where he's going to kill me for piercing what's left of his eardrums. I figured I'd better leave him to the puzzle and go and scream by myself in the living room.

On to Pittsburgh!!!!

Happy New Year! Happy Birthday!

Happy New Year, Happy Birthday!
This is what I say every New Years Eve when the ball drops. This is because I live with the first baby born in Waynesboro, PA in a year I'd be best not to mention. Butch is a baby new year.

We had a quiet new year this year. Met up with V & R, and Bucky & Jacq for a laid back dinner nearby. V&R came back and we drank more Margaritas and played cards til midnight. We turned the TV on just before midnight, and I'm sure Dick Clark has made tremendous improvement since his stroke, but they really should just retire him now. Course, new years eve might be something that helps him work on his health improvement as an incentive. But it was still kinda sad.
Well, I'm off to get ready to watch the Penn State game. My Maryland won their little bowl game the other day. Gotta root for the Nittany Lions, since I'm around too many people that would kick my Terp butt.
My your New Year be safe and healthy and prosperous!

LYK!