Butch and Chuck

OK
It's been a while since we had a really good WhateverEarl.
I don't mean just the everyday roll your eyes and mutter WhateverEarl under your breath.
I mean a full fledged
WHATEVER EARL!
followed by a "I am not taking you to the hospital!"

Here we go~

When we built the house, there was a groundhog living under a big pine tree by where our mailbox would be. With all the building and grading that went on, he moved across the road and under a shed. We'd see him from time to time and he'd give us the finger and turn his back on us.

Tonight butch was sitting at the kitchen table and looks out the french doors and sees the groundhog running as bold as you can be, across the back yard. I'll tell you what, that groundhog is now the size of a medium sized dog. As the chuck runs around the back of the house and up along the garages, butch jumps up and runs after it. I then hear him calling me, and I'm thinking, this ain't going to be good for one of us. me, him or the chuck.
So I go out to the garage and he's (butch, not the chuck) standing in the door looking out toward the big pine tree. Seems the groundhog ran under it, and down into the big hole that he'd dug there years ago. I'm thinking, this still isn't looking good for one of us.
I said, why don't you pour bleach down the hole. (I knew it was dumb when I said it) butch says to me, what the hell is that going to accomplish, and I thought that it would make it easy for us to identify him if we saw him again, cause he'd be the only bleached blonde groundhog in PA. This was actually an attempt to get him (again, butch not the chuck) from doing what I figured would be a whole lot worse than a bleached blonde chuck.
butch says, I'm going to get the 1/4 stick (of dynamite!) that Daren gave me and I'm going to throw it down the groundhog hole.

blink............blink.............blink
OMG!
(Remind me to beat the snot out of Daren!)

All I can think of is, there are several things that could happen if this actually occurs:
1. The tree will fall over and across the road.
2. The groundhog will be really pissed off.
3. The groundhog will be deaf.
4. The groundhog will become a flaming ball of fur flying out of the hole at the speed of sound and head right toward us and be really pissed off.
or
5. All the above

This had all the making of a Chevy Chase moment.

This was a Carl Spackler moment from Caddyshack.

So he says watch the hole.
Like I'm going to shoo the groundhog back in if he tries to come out?
He runs up into the garage and I hear him running around and he comes back out with the 1/4 stick and a lighter. He climbs in under the tree and proceeds to try to get the lighter to work. It finally catches and he throws the 1/4 stick down the hole and runs like hell to get out from in the tree.

Okay, for those of you who actually know butch, I'll just take a second here to let you get a picture him running like hell, out from inside the tree.......

You'll understand why I wish I had a camera......with audio. I'm standing there with my fingers in my ears, and the damn thing only went.....ka pouf!
Well, the crap went flying up and smoke started billowing out of the hole, and the tree didn't fall over, and the flaming ball o'groundhog didn't come flying out.

I figure if we see the groundhog walking across the road with the little stars flying around his head, we should just hit him with the car, since he'll be deaf and never hear the car coming.

So, butch, consults with Daren, and they figure that he (the chuck) has to be a goner. Because of the sound that the 1/4 stick made, it had to have dropped really far down the hole, otherwise it would have been really loud. I guess now in a week or so, we'll get the pleasant odor of char-broiled groundhog rotting.

OMG

WHATEVER EARL!!!!!